I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
