You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
