Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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