I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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