OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
