Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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