Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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