At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
