Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.