@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?