there's paper in my vomit.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think my moral compass just broke