i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.