I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I chose taco bell over sex...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?