I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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