i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
