My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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