I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
