I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
