My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
