i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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