dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
