Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
