two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
