the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
