Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize