I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
