My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize