hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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