guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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