Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
