Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
