Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
