I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
