I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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