I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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