I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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