my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?