I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.