party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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