I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
