I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
