When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They have beer where we have blood.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
