i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
