haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
