Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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