Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
