I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
