I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
