Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
