you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
