Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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