it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
