Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
