I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
