And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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