It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
