Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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