Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
