Umm I'm too high to move.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
