he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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