I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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