he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
